Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

     Woo Hoo!  Today was my last chemotherapy treatment.  I'm so excited to be finished, and looking forward to feeling better.  The next couple of days I will feel like crap, but I'm done!  Yay!
     A friend of mine recently asked what chemo feels like, so I'm going to try to explain it.  The chemo is done in a building across the street from Butterworth/Spectrum Hospital in Grand Rapids.  It is a room of Lazy-boy vinyl covered chairs in a cubicle type setting.  There is a tv you can watch.  I usually bring a book to read or my computer(there's free wi-fi!).  When you go in you first have your blood drawn for "counts", white blood cells, hemoglobin, etc.  My blood is drawn through my life port, a device implanted in my chest so I don't have to be "stuck" every week(my veins/vessels tend to blow out or collapse).  I strongly recommend a port if you ever have to go through this.  If your counts are high enough they start your infusion, usually with an IV saline/hydration first.  After the hydration, you get premeds to prevent nausea.  I get Zofran and Benadryl, but every chemo is different depending on the patient, the cancer, and the Dr.  Once the premeds are done the chemo bag is administered.  My most recent chemo was called Taxol and is derived from the bark of the ewe tree.  It takes about an hour to infuse.  After it is completed they flush my port and I'm done.  Because my white blood cell count was low this week tomorrow I go in for a shot of Nulasste(spelling?).  Nulasste works in your bone marrow to create more white blood cells.  White blood cells keep you from getting sick, so when your counts are low, your immunity is low and you are very fatigued.  As for how Chemo makes you feel, it makes you sick to your stomach, I take several anti-nausea medications for a few days immediately following the infusion.  The best way I can describe my stomach is that it feels soapy or bubbly, like I swallowed dish soap.  Sometimes you feel like you want to vomit, but it usually passes without incident.  My taste buds are off, everything tastes different, not like it should.  The taxol has not affected my appetite intake, but the Adriamycin/Cytoxin combination was horrible, I struggled to eat and could  hardly make it out of bed I was so fatigued.  I lost ten pounds while on the Adriamycin/Cytoxin(and I didn't have ten pounds to give up).  Currently my energy levels are good, but without warning I get tired and must go lie down.  The last few days my white blood cell count was extremely low, I can tell by how I feel.  I also develop rashes around my eyes when the count is low.  I look sort of like a zombi!  Red all around my eyes, pale skin.  I really miss the eyebrows and eyelashes!  Trying to draw on eyebrows is an interesting thing, and fake eyelashes?  The eyelash glue sticks everywhere but where it should.  I gave up on fake eyelashes!  I guess I'll never make it as a Kardashian!
     Anyway, I think that's about all I can say about chemo!  I'm so happy it is behind me.  One good thing I did find out about chemo is that it is a good insect repellent.  Last week we were out in the evening, and Tim and my two younger ones got eaten alive by mosquitoes.  Not me, apparently I don't even smell good to a mosquito!  Bad blood!

     Thanks again to all my friends and family who have helped me out in so many ways.  I love you all and owe so much to you.  I could not have made it to this point without all of you.  I look forward to being healthy and running again.  In fact, I signed up for the Komen-Dallas race for the cure 5k on October 15th.  I don't know if I will physically be able to run but I'm definitely able to walk it!   I have reached my $200.00 in donations and I'd like to thank the my friends who have generously donated on my behalf.  If anyone else is interested in donating(please don't feel obligated), the link is under www.Komen-Dallas/race-for-the-cure/donate.com  you can then type in my name or find me on the American Airlines/flight team with team captain Christopher Broom.  I'm doing all I can to help find a cure so no one else has to go through this.  I donated my lump to the VanAndel research center and I have now signed up for a clinical study.  Let's beat this so no body else we know has to go through this! 

     Next up.....New boobs!  To be continued!

     Love you all,  Thank you!  
     Julie

Thank you!

Wow, it's almost been a month since I last posted.  Sorry.  I wish I could say time flies when you're having fun, but I'm not having fun.  I see the light at the end of tunnel now and I'm just hoping it's not a freight train.

I'd like to thank all my Midway Airlines friends.  They have generously provided my family with some meals and four visits from a cleaning service.  Thank you so much, you all are the best!.  I had just been accepting the dust and dog hair in my house(even though I'm a clean freak).  Most of the time I am just too fatigued to clean.  I have been able to teach my seven year-old to make her bed each day.  :)  My husband tries to help, but he is only home about two days a week as contract negotiations keep him in Dallas, Washington D.C. and New York City.  Immersing himself in union business is his way of dealing with my illness.

As for my health, I only have four more chemotherapy appointments.  I'm cautiously optimistic to be finishing chemo.  Although the drug I am taking this time, Taxol, is better than the previous one, it still is ridden with side effects.  It seems as though I feel good every other week, or the weeks that I have to have shots that bring my white blood cell count up are the good ones.  It's still very difficult to eat as flavors don't taste how they should and I'm often sick to my stomach.  I also have issues with neuropathy(numbness in my hands and feet).

I'm starting to get concerned about the reccurence of my cancer.  I've been reading a lot online about women with no family history developing the same nasty aggressive cancer in other areas of their bodies(brain and liver).  This concerns me.  I know the survival rate for triple negative breast cancer is only 51%.  I am a fighter, I'm going to try to beat this, but I am concerned.  Maybe I'm just getting nervous as the end draws near.  Breast cancer has become a survivable cancer, but not the kind I have.

My hair is starting to grow back, I have about a quarter inch of fuzz on my head.  Some of it is brown, some of it is gray.  Strange, the color is patchy, like a mutt. :)  I'm looking forward to haircolor.  Still no eyebrows or eyelashes. 

I really wish I had something humorous to say.  As a smart a$$, I like to end with something funny.  I just haven't been out of the house much and I'm just too exhausted.  I'm still searching for that perfect joke, which is why it's been a while since I posted!  Anyway, I love you all and Thank you.  By the way, my spell check isn't working, so please forgive any mis-spelled words, the chemo is getting to me!

Halfway!

     Woo hoo, I'm halfway done with chemo.  If all goes well I should have my last treatment on September 13th.  This week my white blood cell count was way low.  It was low two weeks ago and they withheld my treatment, this time they decided that I should go ahead and have it and take shots to stimulate my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells.  Sounds great huh, the only problem is I have to give the shots to myself....I'm not thinking so.  I called my local physician's office and they have been giving the shots to me, the only kicker is on Saturday and Sunday.  Anyone want to volunteer to be my nurse?  I don't know how heroin addicts do it!

     In other news, my eyebrows have almost completely left me.  I'm fine with the baldness, but eyebrows?  I want those back.  Soon.  So far it has been a nice summer.  I'm happy to be alive and I look forward to running again soon.  It's getting closer and I'm anxious!  :)

It's nice to have the summer off, but...

     I love summer and I've always wanted it off, just not this way.  I can't be out in the sun so I'm really pale, just adding to the "sick" look!  Today was suppose to be a chemo day, unfortunately my blood work said otherwise.  My white blood cell count was too low to receive chemo.  I have mixed feelings, I'm a little happy I don't have to sit through the infusion, but I'm concerned I could pick up a virus somewhere.  I'd also like to get all this behind me.  I'm so ready to be done with chemo.
     I've switched to Taxol now.  I have so much more energy now I actually considered going running the other day!  I don't think my Dr. would approve.

     Last week was very difficult for me emotionally.  A friend and co-worker of mine lost her battle with Lymphoma.  She was diagnosed with a brain tumor three years ago and until recently was doing fairly well and was in remission.  In mid May her symptoms came back.  She was able to fight long enough to see her son graduate from high school.  She also has a daughter who will be a junior this next school year.  Carol was the nicest, most wonderful person, with the most infectious smile ever.  She is truly missed.  Maybe this will be the year we can find a cure.  Sometimes I think maybe I did something to deserve this, but I know Carol never did.

     Now on to a lighter subject.   At dinner the other night my twenty year-old daughter told me that her girlfriend Dani's boyfriend thought I was "hot".  I replied, he does realize I'm bald and 46?  She said yeah, he likes the bald.  He doesn't see "chemo patient" he sees "anti-society" and "rebel".  Kids really are crazy.  So now I think I should draw on some sharpie tattoos and go hang with the bikers.  See ya!

Chemo sucks!

     Sorry,  still not feeling great, so I haven't been inspired to post.  :( 

     I had my last dance with the "red devil" on June 7th and it really hit me hard.  I had what I call the lost week as I was barely able to get out of bed.  Finally on Tuesday, I was starting to feel better when I received a set back at my blood test appointment.  My white blood cell and hemoglobin count was way too low.  My Dr. wanted me to have a blood transfusion.  I kind of freaked out and said no.  So then they wanted me to have a shot of something called "Procrit".  Procrit had three pages of side effects which included a return of your cancer and death, also I would have to sign a "release" to have the shot...so once again I said no.  I asked if I could try to bring my counts up with diet and they gave me three days.  Now I'm eating lots of steak, eggs, fruits, vegetables and iron pills in an attempt to bring my counts back up.  I have to eat something every two hours.  Not being a professional eater, I'm finding this to be a difficult task.  I do not want a blood transfusion.

     As for the home front, the kids are doing well.  We are all loving that school is out!  Tim is apparently a little stressed out with  being "Mr. Mom".  Along with his usual home duties he is working on various union committees during contract negotiations, and he has developed a case of the"Shingles".  I feel bad that I do not have the energy and stamina to help out around the house.  It's amazing how you can go from running 2.5 miles almost everyday to this.  So even though I look like Mr. Clean, I am not able to clean, very frustrating.  If anyone knows of a good cleaning lady in my area please give me her number!

     I am still fighting.  Not giving up.  Only twelve more weeks of chemo and the hard chemo is allegedly behind me.  I'm soo over this and want it to be done with.  I miss my friends, my work, and my life and I am anxious to return to it all.  Thank you so much for all the thoughts and prayers, they are still appreciated and needed.  I promise to post a picture of my bald head soon, the problem is I still have one patch of shaved hair totally ruining the look for me!  :)

Love you all,
Julie

Fight like a Girl...I hate chemo.

     Well, it's been a couple of weeks since my last post.  Sorry, the side effects of chemotherapy have been getting me down.  I'm okay with the hair loss, it's the common cold, infected life port(device installed during surgery in my chest for chemo) and others(you don't want to know) that are doing me in.  Melissa Etheridge said in an interview "chemotherapy is like going to hell and back" and I truly believe her.  That being said, I'm still fighting and refusing to give up.  So rather than list the bad things about chemo, I'm going to list the good...

1.  I no longer have to shave my legs or armpits.
2.  I can shower and be ready in less than 15 minutes.
3.  I never have a "bad hair" day.
4.  The carpeting finally matches the drapes(too much information, sorry).
5.  The best and final reason...it kills cancerous cells.

     I would post a picture of my bald head but I'm not quite ready for that yet.  I still kind of look like Sinead O'Conner.  At home, I sport the look often and I'm always greeted by my husband with a fist pump while he says "Fight the real enemy" in his best Irish accent(from Saturday Night Live when Sinead was on it).  If I can't laugh about it then I've lost the battle.  That's not going to happen.  Fight like a girl.

Day Seventeen

     Well, on day seventeen I didn't exactly look like a B-777 captain, more like a golden retriever with a bad shedding problem.  Your hair doesn't just "fall out".  It comes out in clumps...yuck.  I was going to go in on day seventeen to get my hair shaved off but the day was more like a "lost day".  Think of your worst hangover ever, I only made it out of bed three or four times.  My hairdresser had Friday off, so I went in this morning(Saturday) and had it all shaved off.  It was either that or I was going to have a tee shirt made that said "You should of seen the other Bi*ch", like I had been in an all out hair pulling cat fight.
     My BFF, Wendy said I'm not like any lifetime movie she's ever seen and we're supposed to be in the bathroom crying over my hairbrush.  Whatever!  This is not even worth a tear, it's only hair...it grows back.  Plus now I have the opportunity to be a blond, redhead, or brunette with long or short hair!   Or, I can rock the bald look like Sinead O'Connor!  I promise I will put a picture up as soon! 

     I have finally downloaded my pictures from the American Airlines Susan G. Komen golf outing and I will post them next time.  Thanks again for all the support, it really helps my family and I through this difficult time.
Love ya,
Julie